Marriage? What marriage?

Alex Johnson wrote a great article on NBC news regarding a conversation the Pope had last week when he said that the majority of today’s marriages are invalid because most couples don’t understand that marriage is meant to be permanent.

“We live in a culture of the provisional,” Francis said in response to a question from an audience member about the “crisis of marriage” after his address opening a pastoral conference of the Diocese of Rome. He went on to say, “Young people say ‘for life,’ but they do not know what it means,” he said. “And because they get married with the philosophy that a marriage can be ended if it becomes an “inconvenience,” their marriages are “nulli,”” he said.

What a truth he spoke! Do you agree?

Genesis 2:24 says For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. It says mother and father, because that is where the apron strings are. And yet it must be that once these two people decide to get married, they leave everything and decide on total commitment to each other. This does not mean that father, mother, brother and sister will have no place! It however means there is a new emphasis; a different agenda; a new thing has been born. There should be no competing factors; there should only be complementing factors. A mother of the groom will complement a daughter-in-law and a grandchild. A father-in-law will complement the son-in-law and the grand kids; he will take them fishing, talk to them, encourage them etc.

A saying often said at wedding ceremonies is, ‘till death do us part.’ It however seems that that word ‘death’ is not literal anymore. Any circumstance that seems overbearing can be termed ‘death’. It is okay to share an ice cream or a kale smoothie; it is okay to watch movies every Friday night; it is okay to travel through Europe and stay in a Airbnb. What about a mortgage payment? What about raising a child! What happens when the balance in the bank account hits zero! How do they cope through the loss of a job? It is great to have a child…yes; until the demands pile up; the care through the night, the extra hours at work needed to make ends meet. All of these are called responsibility. Responsibility can be a nail in the coffin of a marriage. Commitment can be another nail. Many do not want to stay committed. They want to be as free as a bird. They want to rise and fall independently; no strings attached. And for some, their past experiences can be a death to a marriage. If they have refused to let go; refused to let God heal; held on to their pain and shame and guilt; then even a marriage cannot save them.

And so the Pope was right; marriage is not permanent anymore! I wonder if it has ever been. It turns out marriage is not built to last anymore. It might not last a year; not even a month! A pre-nup is a commonly used document amongst those who have some gold or silver stored away; they had no hope before the ‘beginning’. As for those with no silver and gold, they walk away with a lot of resentment. Whichever way they walk away with something; some hurt; some bruise; some regret; some hope dashed.

Of course there are many measures that will stop the walking away. However, who cares?

Marriage takes a lot! Myself and my husband celebrated 24 years of marriage last week, and 29 years of knowing each other. Yes, marriage takes a lot of sweat; a lot of patience; a lot of putting yourself last; a lot of pursuing a common vision. Marriage is the opposite of selfishness! It takes a lot indeed. A lot unfortunately is what most do not have to give.

Linda Faith
Linda faith is the editor of Jewels Magazine. She co-pastors along with her husband Revival Worship Church, Tampa. She is a prolific writer and powerful speaker, inspiring many women to be all God has called them to be. She is the founder of Joy Women’s conference which reaches out to empower, inspire and motivate women in their faith walk.